Popiah Melaka, anyone?

During my years as a Japanese speaking Tour Guide, I had came across some hilarous and some not-so-hilarous incidents. Some will remain as sweet memories for me and some will serve as an eye opener to the follies of human nature and this is one incident that I would like to share with one and all.

It happened in Ramada hotel in Malacca when I took a group of about 25 persons which consisted of a few elderly couples and honeymooning couples.

I was in the room with the driver, a Malay guy in his 30's who suprisingly was a non-smoker! He was watching the television while I was reading a magazine. There was a soft knock on the door that initially I assumed was coming from the soundtrack clip from the tv show. Eventually the knock became more audile and I answered the door. It was one of the honeymooning couples in my group....the wife actually, but I could sense that the husband was somewhere in the background.

ME: Hai! Good evening. Is anything the matter?

HER: Errrrrrrr.....................

ME: Hmmm..................Hai?

HER: Errrrr...........I was wondering if there are any supermarket or convenienece shop around the hotel.

ME: (Noticing that it was way past 11pm) I am afrad that most of shops are already closed for the day. Is there anything that you need that perhaps I might be able to loan to you? (thinking that perhaps they might need a tube of toothpaste)

HER: Err....Actually......Errrrrrr,,,,,,,,,,

ME: (Assuming that she might be hungry)..... Or perhaps if you like to have something to eat? There is a coffee house that is open 24 hours on the lobby floor.

HER: No.....Errr.......I am not hungry. I eeeeerrrrrrrrr...........wonder if you could tell me eeeeeeerrrrr........where I am able to get eeerrrrrrr.......any sanitary napkins.

ME: Eeeeeeerrrrrrr...........hmmmmmmmm...........Eeeeeeerrrr...........Well, the medicine shop are closed now....

HER:(with a worried look) No! No! No! I don't need any medicine. Only napkins.

ME: Eeeeeerrr.........yes, I know what it is you desire, i mean, want.....eeeeerrrrrrr......need. It is also available in the medicine shop here.

HER: Oh........

ME: (Suddenly realising that there is a bunch of girls at the reception and surely one of them must have some emergency supply on them....i mean, with them) Ok, Let me call down to the reception and see what I can do. I will get back to you. Please wait in your room, ok?

HER: (bowing deeply) Hai! I will be waiting in my room. Arigato....!

(As she turned to leave, this was when her husband appeared and smiled his thanks and apologies all roll into one).

I then picked up the telephone in the room and called down to the reception.

Now at that time, there was a couple of real cute young things at the reception and a cute friendly lady in her 30's called Mona who was also the Guest Relations Oficer (GRO). When I called down, Mona happended to pick up the phone....

ME: Hello......

MONA: (in a sweet, pleasant and lovely voice) Good evening. Reception here. This is Mona speaking.

ME: Hi Mona. Liow here.....

MONA:Aiyah!....... Ano ne...... Liow ar?.... Why?.... Cannot sleep ar? Thinking of me, is it?

ME: Ha ha .......Yes and now my bed sheets are all wet lioa.....

MONA: Ha ha......Idiot!.....

ME: Listen...I need a favour. Actually my guest need something. She is having her P and she need Made-in-Malaysia napkin. You got any?

MONA: (in a loud and agitated voice) This Liow ar....sleep don't want to sleep. Now calling down asking for napkins. (I could hear giggles and laugther in the background) Yo Jepun, If your bed sheets wet, you don't need napkins lah, just use the towels in the bathroom and wipe it dry. If that doesn't work, sleep on the sofa!

ME: Yo....Mona, I am serious here lah....My guests really has a need for those sponge.....i mean, napkins.

MONA: You better don't play play, ok? Very sui (bad luck in cantonese) one, you know. Somemore midnight coming. Afterwards hantu (ghost) get it that time, you will be eating it for supper!

ME: Aiyah! This is a real genuine case leh...... Ano ne......

MONA: Ok....so you want with wings ot without wings?

ME: Huh?

MONA: With wings or without wings ar?

ME: What the fuck?! Ano ne....My guest need napkins leh, you know, those types that nature forces you ladies to use every month. Not asking for supper leh...... What chicken wings are you talking about?

MONA: Aiyah....ini budak.....Never buy one before leh? Asking you with wings or wothout wings and you talking about supper.....let you eat my one, want or not? (more giggles and laugther in the background).

ME: (thinking that this looks like a bad idea to have had called down to the reception.) Ok....Listen, Mona....My guests is in room xxxx....just send the damm thing to her.....and cepat sikit, or else the whole hotel will be flooded.

MONA: Wah low eh....Jepun tsunami ar?

ME: Just send the damm thing over, pleasssssssseeeeeeeeeee............

MONA: Hai!

Putting the phone down, my driver asked me.....

DRIVER: Apa pasal, boss?

ME: Tak ada lah.....customer mau cari popia melaka....

DRIVER: Kedai dah tutup. Mana mau cari lagi?

Tired, I didn't bother to answer him.

And there I was reading my magazine when about 10 minutes later the phone ranged.

ME: Hello....

MONA: Wah, Liow! Your Jepun teruk lah......Gave her 3 and she asked for 12 leh! Ano ne.....these Jepun always heavy duty flow ar? Eat a lot of sushi can become like that one, is it?

ME: Good night, Mona.........and thank you.

DRIVER: Apa lagi, boss?

ME: Popiah melaka jual habis.

DRIVER: ?????????????????

And till today, I have no idea if it was with wings or without.